Did you know that although the Butterball Hotline started out as a stunt, there are 50 operators who’ve been taking calls and soothing panicky cooks every year for more than 40 years, and that they’re also nutrition experts?
Since so many of us are going to be roasting turkeys on Thanksgiving, it’s a good time to read about some of the unique problems these operators have had to address. The biggest question is, of course, how do I thaw this thing? One young father/cook underestimated how long it would take to thaw the turkey, and his toddlers urgently needed a bath, so with lots of splashing in the background, he asked the hotline if he could thaw the turkey in the bathwater with the kids. That was a no.
Another man called to ask if it was safe to cook the turkey he’d forgotten about but just found in the bottom of his big freezer, after thirty years. That too, was a no.
A woman tried to cook a 16-pound turkey in a Jacuzzi. Don’t do that.
Another guy wanted to know if chainsaw oil would ruin the turkey when he cut it in half with one. They suggested that he invest in a carving knife.
A woman who had invited friends from the Bahamas wanted her guests to feel right at home, so she called to ask the best way to put bikini tan lines on a turkey. They told her to try making an aluminum foil bikini. Sadly, there are no photos of it, so I suggest we all try this and share our pics.
When I lived on a schooner in the Caribbean and had to cook a turkey in a small boat oven for a bunch of charter guests, it took longer than I expected and wasn’t going to be quite browned enough in time for dinner, so while everyone sat in the cockpit enjoying their cocktails, I pulled out the ship’s blowtorch and finished it off. Worked like a charm, and nobody died.
And finally, this, stolen from a Facebook friend who was perusing old recipes…
Happy Thanksgiving!
Well now, that new turkey dressing sounds interesting. Any thoughts on oven cleaner for the aftermath?
It works best in an old oven that you intend to replace soon.
In 1970, my oldest sister gave me a stack of index recipes cards as part of a marriage gift. It included this recipe! Different ingredients, except for the bread and popcorn. In her very distinctive handwriting. I ordered a stack of kitchen towels that have this recipe card printed on them…for her daughter and her grandchildren!
Excellent! I’m actually tempted to try this recipe.